Anti-Queerness: A Shocking Reality Within Spirituality

                 “The feminine is flow, the feminine is fluid, the feminine is soft”

“The masculine provides structure, the masculines creates safety, the masculine is disciplined”

“The man holds space, while the woman surrenders”

“The man must be like an oak, and the woman must be water”

The quotations above, while not direct quotes from any singular person, are a general representation of what one can expect to hear and be taught by most embodiment guides, tantricas, and feminine arts facilitators. 

Not unlike the Church, or most other religious institutions, modern age spirituality is more often than not insensitive and non-inclusive to the queer community. Gender roles have already been pre-assigned, there are stereotypical male and female archetypes carved out and served with the expectation of uninquisitive and blind acceptance and consumption, and there are very few alternative spaces in which a queer human may feel fully embraced. 

While I do not believe that applying certain characteristics to each of the two energies is inherently wrong, queer people mustn't be a mere afterthought or not given thought to at all when having a conversation about embodiment archetypes, tantra, and other spiritual modalities. 

Many within spiritual spaces would refute my claims by arguing that yin and yang, the masculine and feminine are simply forms of energy that inhabit all genders and are therefore not stereotypical or restrictive, but the issue is that while it is accepted that all genders are hosts for the feminine and masculine, a “woman” is expected to be mostly in her “feminine” and a “man” is expected to be mostly in his “masculine” for optimal physical, emotional, and spiritual health. 

The spiritual community is incredibly behind and tone deaf to the nuances of human identity and sexuality. The simple fact that not all those who identify as men desire to claim and embody “masculine” energy and vice versa, seems to be such a foreign concept within this world.

Another point of misalignment that I quickly identified within spiritual spaces was the assumption of heterosexuality. Tantra courses, talks on intimacy, classes about attracting the ideal partner, etc, mostly cater to cis-gendered heterosexual beings, and many of these teachers and instructors seem unwilling to make their approach towards actualizing their callings/dharmas slightly more challenging by doing the extra research and work to create safe and inclusive spaces.

And, no, adding an x to the end of certain titles does not cut it. For the sake of the fifty percent of Queer youth in the United States who have seriously considered suicide(you can read about that here) because they feel so left out and underrepresented, please do better, do more than occasionally using the word “creatrix”, please.

It must be recognized and acknowledged that not every woman is meant to “surrender” or be “fluid” in most aspects of her life, if she wishes to be happy, healthy, or receive abundance. Some women, like myself (though I am cisgendered) feel more at home in what is considered to be their masculine, and that is fine. They too can receive and experience bliss, abundance, and ease.

It must be recognized and acknowledged that not every man has a sturdy energy or the desire to act as a container for the feminine, not out of weakness or lack of growth, but because they feel more comfortable and at home in a traditionally female role. 

Whether Spiritualists, coaches, and guides choose to realize it or not there are men who are sexually attracted to men and there are women who are sexually attracted to women, and there are beings who are non-binary, floating and hopping from energy to energy, and there are female energy-embodying males, and male energy-embodying females. 

In order for spiritual spaces to be truly inclusive and safe, we must choose (much emphasis on the choose, because it is a choice) to educate ourselves. We must choose to identify the ways in which we are coming up short in ensuring quality service to both humans and to the divine. We must choose to create a world that is truly and genuinely about love and acceptance. 

If one believes that in broadening their reach to the Queer community is in opposition to the spiritual practices that they teach, they have failed miserably at understanding and holding a deep enough reverence for the cultures from which most modern age spiritual teaching originate. Tantra, spirituality, spiritual sexuality, and archetypal embodiment can and traditionally have danced in between the two typical genders and the non-binaries/homosexuals as most indigenous check this article out to know more) and Asian (you may read about that here) cultures have recognized third genders. 

All groups of people deserve to feel safe in broadening their sense of spirituality and when deepening their understanding of God. Hisham, who enjoys the feel of lacy stockings against his thighs deserves to attend a class on tantric sexuality and feel understood. Rawda, who prefers to walk with her shoulders as opposed to her hips and who enjoys existing in the doing as opposed to the being, deserves to join a course on attracting abundance without being made to feel that her more “masculine” nature and intrinsic way of being is wrong and will lead to an unregulated nervous system and lack. 

I beseech the spiritual community, from a place of love, to cease perpetuating harmful gendered stereotypes, because in all seriousness, these stereotypes, lack of queer awareness and education, and lack of inclusivity kill. Quite literally (you can read about that here). 

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I appreciate your interest in my writing. If you would like to dive even deeper into my world you should check out my book, Letters to A Benevolent God, here.